A post specially dedicated to my beloved late grandma

"Lisa, do you know that ah poh has passed away this morning?"

Even typing this makes me teared, the feeling is so..so...it's just heartache, painful, choking :(

This is by far the worst news that I've received throughout my life. I wasn't expecting this, to be honest, I thought you will always be there, 

I thought that you were just sick, like 'not serious' illness, just some common sickness, 

I thought I will still be able to see you when I go back, 

I thought you will be able to see my graduation photo,

I thought I can hear you tell me that 'Wah Lisa, let lui ah, yao hao dai yat a!' (Wah Lisa, clever girl, get number 1 again?)

I thought....... I just thought you wouldn't leave me.....

I know it's too late to say anything now.

But one thing I just want to tell you that I am really sorry that I didn't get to spend much time to talk to you this year and I know you have forgiven me when you appeared in my dream the other day. Since the day you passed away, I have been looking forward to you appearing in my dreams, I waited and waited but you didn't appear or maybe you did but I don't remember when I woke up the next day, until that day you appeared and told me that you will always be there looking at me. Although I could barely remember what was the dream, I remembered you pointing at your photo and telling me that's not the real you, the real you was standing in front of me and told me not to be sad. The next thing I know is hugging you tight and you stroking my hair. How I wished that dream could last longer :')

The thought of losing you is unbearable, so I tried not to think about it all the time. I thought I will be fine, but actually I was just pretending to be okay. I don't want my family to be worried of me but somehow they sensed that I wasn't okay and asked me if I am alright. 

I wasn't able to be there at your funeral, 

I wasn't able to see you for the last time, 

I wasn't able to bid you goodbye,

I wasn't able to tell you how proud am I to have such a lovely grandma like you,

I wasn't able to thank you for everything you've done for me,

I wasn't able to fulfill my role as a good granddaughter,

There're so so so many more 'I wasn't able to....'

Although I couldn't be there for your funeral, my cousins sent me some photos during the funeral, it makes me feel like I was there with everyone to bid you goodbye for the last time. They also told me that most of them teared and couldn't continue to read my fb post about you and one of the aunts even showed others about the post. Irene even asked Ah hao to print it out and let ah pak to read it. This tells me how much you've contributed to our lives and you will be dearly missed.

The month of November is a month to remember and pray for those who have slipped into God's hand. I read about an article on the "Reflection on death" one day and it makes me understand what my grandma was trying to tell me in my dream. 

The great and sad mistake of many people,

is to imagine that those whom death has taken,

leave us. They do not leave us.

They remain! Where are they? In darkness?

No. it is we who are in darkness.

We do not see them, but they see us.

Their eyes, radiant with glory are fixed

on our eyes full of tears.

Fr Karl Rahner

Ah poh, I know you are always looking at me now and I will cherish all the memories that you've left me. Can I make 阿嬤的話 our song? I will try to find one Cantonese song but before that lets make this our song okay? And I promise you, one day I will be able to sing this song for you without shedding a tear, I want you to know that your granddaughter is actually quite a good singer >< I don't remember singing a song for you, and I know there wouldn't be a chance for me to sing one for you anymore. But that's okay, I know you'll be able to hear it and I shall try this song again next time I go karaoke :)

I watched one movie called "The Stolen Years" the other day and I would like to dedicate one phrase to those who have lost their loved ones. It says something like this:

It is not important whether I will be there or not

during every important events in your life,

What matters is that whether you will think of me

during these important days.

Ah poh, how are you doing in heaven now? 

I miss you a lot :')

Where have I been?

Hello peeps, it has been real long since I last updated my blog!

*cleaning spider web on the screen* 

*mowing grass* 

*wiping dust and cough!*

I wasn't that busy actually but just didn't know what to write, just hmmm...lack of inspiration.
Haha I told my friend I was going to write about my hands but I don't think my hands want to gain so much of popularity, so I decided not to blog about them...YET..haha
*hands monologue: Yeah right. As if there're many people reading your blog. duhhh stop dreaming*
Hmm, so where have I been all this while? What have I been doing?
Well so many things have happened for the past few months and I'll try to update bits and pieces of them in this post, so here's a warning, this MIGHT be a LONG post... Just 'might' la... If you're rushing for lectures, labs or dates, or if you're cooking or baking or showering or in the toilet doing big or small business, you're more than welcome to read my blog! hahaha *How's this related to the long post?!*
Without further ado, here're my updates:

So I went to Wellington during the sem break with my boyfie and my besties, and also to support Jenny who will be playing netball for OMSA in the BERSATU games. Here are some photos during the trip :D

Photos on the displayed cable car <3

In front of the beehive, the parliament building. We missed the tour so we can only take some photos outside the building. haha and you can see how windy is Wellington by just looking at my flying hair!

Had some snacks in a restaurant. They were really yum but just a bit pricey for the quantity.

Had this really wonderful dessert at the Library on a Tuesday night where they offer 'buy one get one free' promotion. It was really packed that night and we sat in a kind-of-like VIP rooms! *waving hands* Thank you Thank you :D

My breakfast on one of the morning. We just randomly walked into one restaurant because we didn't know which restaurants were good. Then end up ordering this salmon, bread and some fried mashed potato dish, luckily it tasted quite nice :) or maybe it was just cause I was hungry that time haha. But the environment was really nice and you will know why from the photo below. 

Joke of the day: Our beloved friend, Nikki ordered a short macchiato and when the waiter served her the macchiato, all of our eyes almost popped out of our eye sockets because the cup was so small and yet the cup wasn't even half-filled. The funny thing was that we reacted so synchronously and the waiter actually saw our reactions and you know what happened next... so embarrassing ahh! *digging holes on the ground*

And of course Nikki was struggling to finish the macchiato cause it was sooo thick and bitter that no matter how much sugar was added, it doesn't seem to sweeten it even for a bit! Hahaha pity pity!

Such a nice environment for your morning tea. The lady in green is actually an artist and she's drawing a portrait of the pianist!

In front of Te Papa Museum. Apparently if you didn't come here during your visit to Wellington, you basically didn't really go to Wellington, but I don't really agree with this statement lehh >< 

Te Papa Museum

Just a random photo of Jenny hahaha 

Had this seafood chowder during our one year celebration dinner. It tastes superb! Will definitely try it again next time :P

My main for the night. It was okay, the taste combination is something new that I haven't tried before, definitely worth a try!

THIS DESSERT IS AWESOME! If I'm not mistaken, this should be some sort of green tea and ginger ice cream with apple wrapped with the popiah skin haha. When I saw this on the menu, I was like seriously??! Ginger and green tea?! I bet you'll think like me as well right? Who on earth will actually think of this combination kannnn... hahaha

Jenny the number 6!

So everyone went to the closing dinner except me and Kui Yuan, haha and so we decided to go for a nice dinner too! I think it must be the hunger evil that casts its spell on us that we end up ordering a fish as our on tray and one whole chicken as our main meal. Imagine 2 girls finishing one whole chicken! *Please give them a round of applause!* *Come, limbeh claps for you!*

\

Yep so this is the chicken. Luckily it wasn't too big haha when we finally accomplished our mission in finishing the whole chicken, the waiter actually came and gave us a 'high five'. And the table in front of us actually offered us their lamb cause they were not able to finish theirs -,- 

So that's about it for my Wellington trip, and the next event is my 22nd birthday and I have posted all the photos in facebook so I wouldn't talk much about that la! Haha but just a really BIG THANK YOU to all my awesome friends who are as awesome as me for all your blessings, wishes and gifts! I feel really grateful for having you guys in my life and I hope we will still keep in touch with each other after we graduate!

So what's next.. Hmm yeah my rural placement in Taupo. It was a really great experience working in the Amcal Keehans Pharmacy. All the staffs are really friendly and helpful! Although I was a bit shy, they show their patience in teaching me and helping me out to fill my assignment book. I think I should be more prepared next time and read more cause during this placement, I actually spent most of my time standing behind the dispensary instead of going in front of the counter and talk to customers to train on my communication skill. Well, after my 5-day of rural placement, it was finally holidays for me! Oh well, now then I remembered that I actually missed out a great event which is Malam Malaysia! How could I forget about it! Months and months of practices, and everything was paid off on that night! Hmm if you wanna see my performance, can check it out on youtube under Malam Malaysia 2013! haha or you can just click on the links below *wink* Haha personally I think the performance was okay but just that the sound system was a bit crappy, and probably I was too tired already that night after one whole week of rehearsals that I was just hoping to finish my performance ASAP!
Scientist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W14mjO6PwLU
Titanium + When I was your man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5KkeWDj4KI&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLtLoSlMbqx4qg0RCHxaCqicW4hny1diOe

Yuh Feng's makeup for the Chinese Dance

Benice as a Kadazan girl and me in my costume for one of my song. Ignore my dark circles, I am just tired and lack of sleep :(

Say Hello to Minnie hehe

Singers and the dancers! haha ulala

Yay! Sing Yii came all the way from Christchurch for Malam Malaysia! Sorry for not being able to make it for our lunch date :(

<3 <3 *why no give me flowers??!!* Haha even cauliflower also okay ahhh

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Okay, now back to Taupo, oh ya holidays in Taupo! haha hmm I think the MOST memorable events in this trip is that we actually get lost in the middle of nowhere and thanks to the gps in our smartphone, we finally make our way back to the city after a 2-hour walk beside the highway, not forgetting to mention being honked by drivers, the strong urge to just stop a car and ask for a ride back to the city, sore legs and hungry tummy...For the photos, you guys can find them in Jenny's blog cause I gave her all the photos in my phone already.

WELL...Thats about it for this post. I hope it's not too long and didn't bore you stiff cause I think it's quite interesting la! Hahaha and hopefully my next post will be out quite soon cause I already have an idea on what to write :) So till my next post, bye and see you!

Love you guys xoxo

Goodnight and sleep tight!

Goodnight and see you tomorrow!

Sweet dreams!

Miss you guys!

Keep warm and Take care!

*Are you going to end it OR NOT?*

Bye! hahaha

我。。怎么了。。

好久好久都没更新部落格了。。想想真的有这么忙吗？？
回头看看，其实真的还好。。只是。。有时觉得好累好累。。。
好像给自己好好休息的时间越来越少。。
觉得好对自己不起哦。。
说好的要好好照顾自己的，现在怎么啦？
发现越来越不会表达自己了，
有时连自己在郁闷什么都不会说。。。
只是觉得心好闷。好闷。。
难道我真的还没做到最好吗。。。

脸上的笑，什么时候越变越假了。。。